Emptiness

This is gonna be a sipeh emo post. I advise you all to avoid reading this post as I just wanted to leave it in my archives for remembrance of my particular feelings today. Had so many other nice stuff to share with all of you but something happened that left me just empty.

All my life I've made sacrifices for others. As long as others were happy I did not mind losing a future that I was promised and going through hardship. But, what if that cause was lost and the sacrifices could no longer be reversed? What if the people you sacrificed for eventually decided they had to sacrifice for you, or rather sacrifice you and left the picture suddenly? All that's left will be helplessness after knowing you did your best, but still failed. Everything I lived for suddenly came to a dead end or a crossroad that might lead to a dead end. I can't be certain when it might happen but I had a chance to see the near future today.

One of the hardest things to do is to console a heartbroken person when you're even more broken than that person. Even more when that person is the bringer of the suffocating truth, taking away every breath of air as the person speaks. I was dizzy without air, nose and throat blocked by fluids of different kinds, eyes blinded by tears, and all I could hear was my heart banging at my chest, pumping hard strokes of blood through my veins, emotions gushing out wildly, disturbing the regular routine of my body. I could not stand it and tried to escape to my room. What seemed like hours of nightmares and drowning, I woke up dazed on the cold hard floor of my room, wondering whether I passed out or was dreaming. Sadly, after I gathered myself, it was all clear that it wasn't a dream. Spent the rest of the day thinking about the foresight I saw, embracing the dead end as it comes. And though there is no point worrying about something until it arrives, at least I can prepare for it emotionally.

It's special how things are all related. The next day came and I was feeling better, maybe because the worst hasn't struck but I couldn't help but wonder, how come other people can't be the same like me, the way I wake up the next day and try to leave all the unhappy things behind me. Instead, some people are full of vengeance, engulfed in their own sadness and hatred. While thinking about this, I began to relate how people are so busy with their own lives, own emotions, that they can't seem to care about others, or the earth, for that matter. Some people are already having a tough time getting things to go the right way for them that they don't bother to go through the hassle of taking into consideration the welfare of others or the environment around them. It is troublesome for them to even put in a little effort to do the little things that can make a difference in other people's lives or the environment.

How many people in this world actually have good lives? So when you're having a sucky day, do not take it out on the people around you. Instead, try to be nice to everybody, because you'll never know whether the people around you are having a worse day than you and the little nice things that you do might just make them see the brighter side of life. I always look at life and wonder, is there anyway that I can make my life on earth worth it? Even if i don't make my mark in history, I want to at least touch people, at least be remembered for the little good that I have done. Never waste any opportunity you get to do good because you'll never know what impact you'll leave in people's lives.